Sex ed questions and answers!
Recommended Reading:
The Womanizer Doesn’t Work For Me (And It’s Important To Talk About That) – JoEllen Notte, The Redhead Bedhead
Here’s Why You Need To Pay For Your Porn – Siri, The Daily Dot
“Ethical Porn” Starts When We Pay For It – Jiz Lee
You guys have sex questions. I (sometimes) have sex answers. Let’s do another Q&A!
I get a lot of questions from people who find direct clitoral stimulation uncomfortable or painful and want to know if there’s something wrong with them.
And these questions make me so sad because we live in a society loves to make these sweeping generalizations about sex that almost never apply to everybody because, surprise, everyone’s different. There are pretty much no universal truths when it comes to sex or pleasure, but when you only hear one singular narrative being pushed over and over that doesn’t align with your experiences or your body, it’s easy to feel like you’re broken.
People put so much emphasis on the clit as being this amazing, magical pleasure button for everyone with a vulva, but in truth, it’s not. Clits are RIDICULOUSLY SENSITIVE. They’ve got over 8,000 nerve endings in the head alone, and because of that, a huge number of people don’t enjoy direct contact to the area. This is why some people prefer to stimulate their clits through their clitoral hoods or inner labia so that they have a comfortable barrier. This is why some people prefer big wand vibrators over their entire vulva to smaller, more pinpoint clitoral vibes.
If there’s a new pain you’re experiencing that you haven’t had in the past with clitoral stimulation, then it’s possible you’re dealing with smegma build-up or some other sort of irritation or inflammation. But if you just have a generally sensitive clit that doesn’t like to be touched directly, that is super normal.
I’m going to link a really fantastic post by The Redhead Bedhead down in the description that made me feel less broken. Because yes, even people in the sex ed world who seem like they have their shit together can struggle with these same anxieties.
How do I know the porn I’m watching is ethically made?
Well step one is to make sure that the porn you’re watching is porn you have paid for. “Free” porn is so ubiquitous these days and something that people feel entitled to, but there are a shitload of problems with the typical free streaming sites. A huge percentage of the videos on those sites are pirated. You don’t know where they’re coming from, and they’re completely stripped from any behind-the-scenes paperwork — tax forms, model releases, STI test results — that are meant to ensure fundamental labor rights.
Furthermore, producers and performers often never see a dime for the views their work gets on these sites. Pirating porn kills profits, which makes it difficult for companies to continue producing ethical porn. Lack of income for performers also makes exploitation easier, as it puts them in a less stable position to turn down questionable work or demand basic workplace protections.
If you want to make sure the porn you’re watching is ethically made, go to your favorite performers’ websites. Check out their interviews. See who they love working with. Ask them where the best place to purchase their work is, either through their own membership site, their favorite Video-On-Demand site, or through their favorite production companies. That’s the best you can do. I’m also going to link some great posts by porn performers on this subject down in the description.
What’s the best way to ask someone’s STD status without ruining the mood?
I think it’s best to just be straightforward about it. “Hey, when was the last time you were tested?” I would avoid straight-up asking if they have any STIs because a lot of people will just immediately say that they don’t, even if they haven’t had any recent tests and don’t actually know. I would also avoid using the word “clean” to refer to STI negative. I know it’s a common word to use, but it pretty much directly implies that if they do have an STI they’re somehow dirty or tainted, which is stigmatizing and untrue.
If anyone happens to know of any sexier ways to ask about STI status, let me know down in the comments!
Hopefully this video was useful to some of you. If you have any other questions, as always leave them down in the comments and I’ll try to answer as many of them as I can either down there or in my next Q&A.
Thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time!
