“I’m in.”

Video Transcript

If you read the title of this video and are expecting me to provide some life-changing tips on improving sexual performance or pleasure, I only really have one of those: Communicate. Also do Kegels.

But those aren’t really hacks. To me, the entire concept of “lifehacks” is all about finding easier, cheaper, or quicker solutions to day-to-day annoyances. So here are five of my top sex hacks!

Sex is awesome, but it’s also messy. Sometimes it’s awesome BECAUSE it’s messy. All the sweat, lube, genital fluids, and other sticky and staining things can be great fun for people, but not so much for your bedsheets or other surfaces.

A lot of people combat this by putting down a towel before sex or masturbation. That can totally work, but towels aren’t always super comfortable and some fluids can still soak through them. Other people buy specialized sex blankets, which are fantastic but often very expensive.

The sex hack solution? Waterproof pet blankets.

You can find soft, comfy pet blankets with an inner moisture barrier for way less money than actual “sex blankets,” despite doing basically the same job. Wanna have hot, messy sex without fear of staining the sheets? Want a convenient place to set used sex toys down or wipe your lubey hands off without having to reach for a tissue? Wanna NOT spend a hundred something dollars on a Liberator Throe? Bam, pet blanket.

Now, let’s say you’re someone with a burgeoning collection of sex toys but no convenient place to store them. You want something a bit more organized than just tossing them in boxes but a little more discreet than a phenomenal dildo display case standing proudly in your bedroom (which, sidenote, is my dream).

The sex hack? Get an over-the-door shoe organizer.

They can fit a lot of toys in a small amount of space, all organized to your liking. Hang it on the inside of your closet or wardrobe door, and no one ever has to know. Unless they’re REALLY snooping, in which case you should probably have a chat with them about privacy and personal space.

I talk all the time about how important a good lubricant is, but I’ll admit that it’s pretty annoying that almost no good lubes come in pump bottles. It does make sense, since pump mechanisms can suck bacteria up into the bottle, but c’mon. It’s 2016, and we all deserve the ability to easily dispense our lube of choice with one hand. Or no hands.

Sex hack: Automatic soap dispenser.

You know, those motion sensor ones? Fill it up with your favorite water-based or silicone lube, pop it on your bedside table, and simply run your hand or sex toy under it for effortless lube dispensing every time. Hygienic, non-messy, and really fucking convenient. Just make sure you turn the motion sensor off when you’re done to avoid any potential accidents.

If you’re someone who uses water-based lube, chances are you’ve experienced the annoyance of applying your lube and then having it dry out more quickly then you’d like. But a nice thing about water-based lube is that it can be reactivated with a little bit of water.

Sex hack: Keep a spray bottle of water on hand, and give your sex toys or body parts a little spritz as needed.

Not only is shooting a spray bottle at someone else’s genitals incredibly entertaining, but your bottles of lube will also last longer since you won’t need to reapply as often.

Finally, washing sex toys, particularly textured toys, can be a pain in the ass. There can be so many little crevices to get into, and sometimes you think a toy is clean and then it dries and more gunk suddenly appears. It’s like magic. Gross magic.

Sex hack: Dishwasher.

Non-electric toys made from non-porous, heat-resistant materials like silicone, glass, and metal can often be run through the dishwasher on the top rack. Check the manufacturers’ instructions to make sure this is safe for your specific dildos or plugs, but if it is, you can run them on the Sanitize cycle without any detergent. Just make sure to let your toys cool down before you try to remove them, since materials like glass and metal can retain heat for quite a while.

So those are five of my top sex hacks. If you’ve got any others, definitely leave them down in the comments because I always love learning new tips.

Thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time!