I answer some of your burning questions on sex ed, sex toys, and sex health.

Squirting Resources:

How to (TRY TO) Female Ejaculate – Em & Lo
Female Ejaculation Basics
How I Know Squirting is Real and Also Not Pee – Hey Epiphora
Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Ejaculation
Pure Wand (the mother of all dildos for squirting)
Liberator Throe (super absorbent sex blanket with a water barrier lining — to quell any fear of making a mess)

“Male” Sex Toy Resources:

Early to Bed

Video Transcript

Hey everyone!

I asked you guys on my blog for your sex ed-related questions, and now I’m going to answer as many of them as I can.

Why can’t some women squirt? And how does squirting even work?

The problem with the topic of squirting is that researchers have been so focused for so long on the ridiculous question of whether it’s even a thing (spoiler alert: it is) that more relevant questions like how exactly it works haven’t been definitively answered. What we do know is that during strong arousal or orgasm some people with vaginas will experience a buildup and release of clear fluid from the urethra that’s similar chemically to prostatic fluid. Some people say it’s pee. Those people would be wrong. #notpee

Squirting is most often achieved through stimulation of the periurethral sponge, also known as the G-spot. For some, squirting occurs naturally and involuntarily, while for others it’s a learned skill and may take some concentrated effort. I can’t say whether it’s something everyone born with a vagina can do or why some people may not be able to do it, but I do know plenty of former skeptics who have since figured out how to squirt themselves. And there are lots of resources and tools out there that can probably help you if it’s something you’re interested in. I’ll put some recommendations down in the description.

I know you’re not supposed to use soap inside the vagina, but what about the vulva itself?

It’s important to wash your vulva to clean out sebum, sweat, discharge and anything else, but clean hands and warm water are really the best tools for the job. Soaps, even mild ones, can cause vulvar irritation and dry out the sensitive skin. Some gynecologists do recommend soaking in a warm bath with a few tablespoons of baking soda to help clean out the area, reduce odor, and soothe any mild irritation, but I’d talk to your doctor to find out if that’s something that would be beneficial for you.

Is it true that it’s best to put a condom over sex toys, even if it’s for your own use?

That depends. If it’s made out of a completely body-safe, non-porous material, you’re the only person using it, and you’re cleaning it properly between uses, there’s really no need to use a condom with it. The only times I’d recommend condoms in that situation is if you’re going anal to vaginal within the same session or if you have a silicone toy that you’re frequently using anally and want to avoid the possibility of the silicone retaining odor. But make sure to only use a non-lubricated condom with silicone toys because condom lubricants are often silicone-based and silicone lube and silicone toys don’t always play nice together.

Now, if the toy is made out of a non-toxic but porous material, I’d definitely recommend using a condom with it. It doesn’t make the toy completely safe, but it is better than nothing. Spring for polyurethane condoms if you can because oils (like the ones that soften those toys) and latex also don’t play nice together. I’d also recommend replacing said porous toys after four to six months.

If there’s a chance the toy is toxic, I highly discourage using it at all. Condoms aren’t made to protect against leaching chemicals, and there haven’t been any studies to know if they do at all.

What’s your opinion on transgender bathroom issues? Like, how should we go about fixing it?

Like with any other marginalized group, I think the best thing to do when considering trans issues is to listen to what actual trans people say on the subject. My cis opinion is completely irrelevant, but it’s clear to me that letting people use the bathroom of the gender they identify as is basic human decency and gender neutral bathrooms are the way forward.

What are some websites for male sex toys?

I really don’t like separating toys into “male” and “female” or “For Her” and “For Him” because 1. it’s alienating to anyone that doesn’t fit into one of those boxes, and 2. most toys are gender and sex neutral and people might miss out on so many things they’d really love just because they’re marked as being for another gender. G-spot toys, if they have a flared base, can make great prostate toys, for example.

But, that said, if it’s designated penis and prostate toys you’re after, Tantus has an excellent selection in their “Rings, Slings, & Prostate” section, SheVibe has an awesome (if unfortunately named) “Sex Toys For Men” section, and my beloved Early to Bed have an extensive array of gender neutral dildos, plugs, and penis toys. Links in the description.

So, those are some of the questions you guys sent me. If you have any more, leave them down in the comments and I’ll answer as many of them as I can either down there or in my next Q&A.

Thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next time!